ANDRIA
Terence
Translated by Christopher Kelk
© Copyright 2022 Christopher Kelk, All Rights Reserved.
Please direct enquiries for commercial re-use to chriskelk@sympatico.ca.
The poet, when he first began this work,
Thought that the only task that he could shirk
Was pleasing folk with plays that he would write.
But he’s discovered things have turned out quite
Otherwise for prologues all are worthless, not
For purposes of writing out the plot,
But rather answering the calumnies
Of that foul, ancient playwright. Listen, please,
And heed the thing that this playwright has rated
Faulty. It was Menander who created 10
Both Andria and Perinthia. He who knows
One well knows both of them. Now, both of those
Are similar in plot, but nonetheless
In style they differ: he came to confess
That from the former play he had transferred
Into the latter those parts he preferred
To think fit there. But critics now condemn
These means, and thus he is at odds with them.
These critics think they should not coalesce.
By being knowing, do they not confess 20
That they know nothing? In rebuking thus
Our poet, they’re rebuking Naevius,
Plautus and Ennius, those bards whom he
Has as his models and whose laxity,
And not their mystifying carefulness,
He’d rather emulate. I must impress
On you that you should stay mum and refrain
From maledictions lest you should attain
The knowledge of your faults. And therefore be
Friendly and neutral so that you may see 30
What hope is left for him and if the plays
That he’ll compose anew in future days
Will have an audience to show approval
Or suffer a dishonourable removal.
Simo [to the servants]:
Take these provisions to the house. Away!
Sosia, hither! I’ve a few words to say
To you.
Sosia:
Consider it done. These things, I guess,
Have to be handled with some heedfulness.
Simo:
Oh no, it’s something else.
Sosia:
What further thing
Could it be that I should be handling? 40
Simo:
What I’ve in hand needs no ability
From you but loyalty and secrecy,
Which I have always seen that you evince.
Sosia:
Then I await your wishes.
Simo:
Ever since
I bought you as a youngster, I have been
Compassionate to you, and time has seen
You made a freedman for your excellence
In serving me. The greatest recompense
I’ve owned I’ve spent on you.
Sosia:
Indeed I know.
Simo:
I am not changed.
Sosia:
I’m glad to have it so. 50
I’m pleased to serve you well, and grateful, too,
That I have been of so much use to you.
But I’m uneasy,, since you censure me,
It seems, for casting from my memory
My gratitude. But what is it that you
Would have? In one word tell me.
Simo:
That I’ll do.
But, first of all, the marriage you believe
Is real is actually not.
Sosia:
Why, then, deceive?
Simo:
I’ll tell you everything: thereby you can
Know how my son is living and the plan 60
I have. When he had reached maturity,
He then could live more unrestrictedly:
For earlier how could you know his mood
When youth, fear and a master all tabooed
His movements?
Sosia:
Ah, yes!
Simo:
Most youths entertain
Some hobby – for they’ll hunt with hounds or train
Their horses or turn to philosophy,
But he was not concerned particularly
With any one of these activities
Despite the fact that he did all of these 70
Quite well, and I was glad.
Sosia:
Quite rightly, too,
For I believe that nobody should do
Only one single thing excessively.
Simo:
Such was his mode of life – to readily
Listen to those he met and heed them all,
Resign himself to them that he might call
Himself their acolyte, while studying
Their interests, and never arguing
With anyone. Thus very easily
One may gain praise, while lacking jealousy 80
And gaining friends.
Sosia:
Wise! Now obsequiousness
Spawns friends but hatred comes from openness.
Simo:
Three years ago a woman crossed the sea
From Andros to live here, for poverty
And careless kin had made her emigrate:
Most fair and young was she.
Sosia:
I’m in a state
Of fear that there will come some injury
From this Andrian woman.
Simo:
Well, first she 90
Lived frugally in hardship while she sought
A modest living that her labour brought
By carding wool. Then lovers came to woo,
Promising wealth (as all men tend to do,
Plunging from toil to sensuality).
Consenting to them she began to see
The profit in her beauty. Some would take
My son with them and I would quickly make
The observation: “He is certainly
Besotted.” Then at dawn, when I would see 100
The to and fro of servants, I would say
To one of them, “Who was it yesterday
Who had Chrysis?” (The Andrian woman thus
Was named).
Sosia:
I get it.
Simo:
He would say Phaedrus,
Clinias or Niceratus, for these men
All loved the woman. I inquired then,
“What did Pamphilus do?” He answered me,
“He paid his shot and dined.” This caused me glee.
I asked the same thing on another day
And there was nothing further he could say 110
To implicate my son. It proved to me
The flawless evidence of his chastity.
For after one’s seen such proclivities
Up close and isn’t roused by them, then he’s
Able to live correctly, you may be
Assured. I felt joy that unanimously
Folk praised the lad, glad for my happiness
In having a son with such high-mindedness.
Well, what’s the use of words? Chremes was spurred
By what of my son Pamphilus he’d heard 120
And of his own accord he came to me
To give his only girl in matrimony
With a large dowry, and I was delighted
And acquiesced, and so their troth was plighted,
The wedding day announced.
Sosia:
What explanation
Is there that would forestall their celebration?
Simo:
You’ll hear it. A few days subsequently
Chrysis was dead.
Sosia:
Happy fortuity!
Chrysis unnerved me.
Simo:
Frequently my son
Was to be seen accompanying each one 130
Of those who were her lovers. It was he
Who organized the funeral, mournfully
Weeping with them, and this brought me some joy
Since I concluded that, although my boy
Had insubstantial feelings for her, he
Yet took her passing with such gravity.
But had he loved her, what would he have done
For me, his father? For what in my son
I saw were duties of great sentiment
And goodwill. In a word, therefore, I went 140
To attend her funeral with nothing to fear,
I thought.
Sosia:
Aha, what happened?
Simo:
You will hear.
We follow her bier, and accidentally
Among the women present there I see
A beauteous maid.
Sosia:
Most likely.
Simo:
Oh, a lass
Whose modest mien no other could surpass,
And charming, too. Because she seemed to me
To grieve more than the other girls while she
Was more genteel in form than all the rest,
I sought the serving-maids with a request – 150
“Who is she?” “Chrysis’ sister,” they all said.
And then it struck me – her own sister’s dead;
No wonder all those tears, that sympathy.
Sosia:
I fear what you’re about to tell to me.
Simo:
Meanwhile the funeral carries on, and so
We follow it and to the tomb we go.
They placed her on the pyre, and there were tears.
Meanwhile the sister whom I mentioned nears
The flame too carelessly. Then, terrified
For her, my son Pamphilus signified 160
His well-disguised and veiled love: at a run
He went to her and said, “My darling one,
Glycerium,” as he clasped her to him, “why
Do you do this? Why do you wish to die?”
And then, so that you easily might see
The love they shared, she so affectionately
Fell weeping in his arms.
Sosia:
What’s that you say?
Simo:
I came back then in anger and dismay
With yet no cause for chiding him. He might
Have said, “What have I done? Is it not right? 170
For I have saved a girl who wished to fling
Herself into the flames. Sound reasoning!”
Sosia:
You’re right. If you find culpability
In one who saves a life, how would you be
With one who’s carried out atrocities?
Simo:
Next day I had a visitor – Chremes:
He yelled and spoke of a disgraceful thing:
He’d heard that my son was cohabiting
With that outsider. I vehemently
Demurred; he urged the tale’s veracity. 180
And then I left him there as he denied
To give his daughter up.
Sosia:
Did you not chide
Your son?
Simo:
I had no great justification.
Sosia:
How so?
Simo:
“You specified a termination,
Father, to this,” he said. “The time is nigh
When by another’s disposition I
Shall have to live, and therefore please allow
Me to be my own master just for now.”
Sosia:
How can you chide him now?
Simo:
If he should say,
Because of his sweetheart, the wedding day 190
Will not arrive, that surely first of all
Is a transgression, on which I should call
My son, and now I’m trying hard to see
If he denies he’s married, which would be
A further cause to chide. But if that man,
That scoundrel Davus, has a further plan
It may well come to nothing, since his tricks
Are useless, and he’ll do his best to fix
The problem, for he’d rather agitate
And stress yours truly than accommodate 200
My son.
Sosia:
How so?
Simo:
You jest! A wicked mind,
An evil nature! But if I should find –
No matter! If my son does not delay,
As I would wish, on Chremes I must play
And hope all will be well. Your duty now
Is feigning well these nuptials and to cow
Davus and check upon my son to see
What he is up to and what strategy
He’s planning with him.
Sosia: That’s enough: I’ll do
The tasks. Let’s in.
Simo:
Go on – I’ll follow you. 210
Simo [to himself]:
There is no doubt my son won’t want to wed.
I was aware just now of Davus’ dread
When he heard that the nuptials would not be
Performed. But here he comes.
Davus [to himself]:
It bothered me
That this would be the case: and yesterday
I was in constant terror in what way
My master’s leniency would end, for he,
Once he had ascertained his son would be
Without a wife, just did not take it ill
Nor breathed a word to us.
Simo [to himself]:
But now he will 220
With no small cost to him, I think he’ll find.
Davus [to himself]:
He meant that we, with unsuspecting mind,
Should feel false joy with not a whit of dread,
Now full of hope so that we might be led
To think that there’s no time to hatch a plan
To stop the marriage. Clever!
Simo [to himself]:
Wicked man!
What’s that he said?
Davus [to himself]:
Oh no, I didn’t see
My master there.
Simo:
Davus!
Davus:
Yes.
Simo:
Come to me!
Davus [to himself]:
What does he want?
Simo:
What did you say?
Davus:
About
Precisely what?
Simo:
You rogue! It’s been put out 230
My son’s in love.
Davus:
Well, other folk concern
Themselves with that, I guess.
Simo:
Will you not turn
Your mind to this?
Davus:
Alright.
Simo:
For me to ask
A question in these matters is the task
Of a strict father. What he’s done before
Is not my business: while he could explore
His youthful interests, I gave some leeway
To him, yet he is different today
With different habits. Hence I supplicate
You, Davus, if it’s fair, to send him straight 240
Back to his proper path.
Davus [to himself]:
What can this mean?
Simo:
All those who love a wench are far from keen
To have a wife given them.
Davus:
That’s what they say.
Simo:
A bad guide in such things could steer away
A feeble mind to worse activities
Davus:
I just don’t get it – my apologies.
Simo:
You don’t?
Davus:
I’m Davus, sir, not Oedipus.
Simo:
You wish me, then, to be more obvious?
Davus:
I do.
Simo:
If in this marriage I should see
That you are using some duplicity 250
To bring it to an end, or if your will
Is to show off your skill, then to the mill
I’ll send you to be beaten till you die,
And if I let you go, I promise I
Will take your place. Alright, now do you see?
Or do you need yet more?
Davus:
It’s perfectly
Explicit - you were never rambling.
Simo:
I’d rather that in any other thing
Than this you may deceive me.
Davus:
Hear my plea –
Speak fair words.
Simo:
Ah, now you’re deriding me. 260
You don’t delude me: don’t be rash. Take care
To heed the warning you’ve just heard. Beware!
Davus [to himself]:
No time for sloth or inactivity
Now I’ve found out the old man’s theory
About the marriage. Unless with some skill
It is prevented, everything goes ill
With me or Master. It’s not obvious
What I should do – shall I aid Pamphilus
Or yield to Simo? If I quit the son,
His life’s in danger, but the other one 270
Will threaten me if I should aid him – he
Is hard to deal with. Now, primarily,
He knows of the affair. With hostile glare
He keeps his eyes on me in case I dare
To meddle in the marriage with deceit;
And if he senses it, I’m in defeat.
If he should choose some pretext, rightfully
Or wrongly, he will headlong consign me
To the mill. And furthermore, besides the strife,
This Andria, whether she is a wife 280
Or mistress, having lain with Pamphilus,
Is pregnant; and it’s meritorious
To hear such impudence that one might note
In people in their dotage, not who dote
On their beloved. They’ve resolved to take
The child up and have made a plan to fake
That she’s from Attica: “Previously
An old Attican merchant, wrecked at sea
Off Andros, died there.” They say, furthermore,
That at that time this girl, cast on the shore 290
When just a baby, had been nurtured by
Chrysis’s father. Hah, pie in the sky!
I can’t believe it’s true. This fantasy,
However, they take for reality.
Here’s Mysis. I’m off to the market-place
To have a word with Pamphilus in case
His father should encounter him and shatter
His world in his involvement in this matter.
Mysis [to Archylis within]:
I have already heard you, Archylis:
You want Lesbia here. I’ll tell you this - 300
She’s a rash drunkard, not sufficlently
Worthy to tend a first delivery.
I’ll bring her to you, though. Ah, look at her,
Her inconsiderate fellow-tippler!
May she birth easily. And that one there –
Make sure she does her bungling elsewhere,
You gods! Why’s Pamphilus sad? I fear I know.
I’ll wait to see which way this gloom will go.
Pamphilus [to himself]:
Is this humane? Is this a father’s role?
Mysis [to himself]:
What does this mean?
Pamphilus [to himself]:
What’s this, upon my soul, 310
If not an outrage? Today he’d told me
He’d give a wife to me. But oughtn’t he
Have told me so before?
Mysis[to himself];
Oh God, what’s this?
Pamphilus [to himself]:
What’s Chremes up to? He said he’d dismiss
His plans to have his daughter as my wife
Because I have not altered in my life
Although he has, and thus obstinately
He may withdraw Glycerium from me.
If this should happen, I’ll be wholly lost.
Is anyone as wretched and star-crossed 320
In love as I? Oh, by the loyalty
Of gods and men, is there no strategy
To dodge this pact with Chremes? Ah, the ways
That I have been rejected in this haze
Of degradation! All’s been done, and I,
Rejected once, am sought again. And why?
Perhaps they’re rearing some monstrosity,
As I suspect, and thus they turn to me
Since they can’t load her off to anyone
Elsewhere.
Mysis [to himself]:
This terrifies me. I am done! 330
Pamphilus [to himself]:
But what about my father can I say?
To thoughtlessly determine in this way
Such an important case! He passed by me
Just now down at the forum when, said he,
“Now, Pamphilus, you must be wed today.
Prepare! Go home!” To me he seemed to say,
“Quick! Hang yourself!” Imagine my surprise!
Do you believe that I could verbalize
At all or have even a paltry plea?
I was struck dumb. If someone now asked me 340
What I’d have done if I had fathomed out
The situation, there is not one doubt
I would have done just anything at all
But this. What should I do? Such worries fall
Upon my head that tear my mind apart –
The marriage, my concern for my sweetheart,
Our love, and then the subserviency
To Father, who has been till recently
Indulgent with my moods. Should I contest
My father? I’m unsure of what is best 350
To do.
Mysis [to himself]:
I’m dreading how this all will end.
But one thing’s clear – Glycerium must lend
An ear to him or he to me about
Glycerium. For when one is in doubt,
The mind is oscillating to and fro
With every little thing.
Pamphilus [seeing Mysis]:
Mysis, hello.
Was that you speaking?
Mysis:
It was, Pamphilus.
Hello.
Pamphilus:
How is she?
Mysis:
Ah, so dolorous!
She’s worried that the wedding is today;
She also fears that you will walk away 360
And leave her.
Pamphilus:
How could I do such a thing?
I could not bear to see her suffering
Deceit on my account – she gave to me
Her heart and soul, while I especially
Hold her so dear. To have her overthrown
With poverty when she has clearly shown
Her genteel breeding! That I will not do.
Mysis:
I’d have no fear if it were only you
On whom it rested. But could you hold out
Against compulsion?
Pamphilus:
Am I so without 370
Humanity that neither modesty
Nor love nor warmth can yet inspire me
To keep my faith?
Mysis:
Well, there’s one thing I know –
That you should not forget her ever.
Pamphilus:
Oh,
Forget her? Printed on my memory
Are Chrysis’ words about her. For when she
Was on the point of death, she said, “Come here”:
You maidservants had left, and I drew near.
We were alone, and then she said to me,
“Her beauty and her youthfulness you see. 380
And you’re aware that they will succour you
To guard her property and her virtue.
By this right hand and by your Genius,
Your faith and her forlorn state, Pamphilus,,
Do not desert her, for I’ve cherished you
Like my own brother, and she’s loved you, too,
Above all others, yielding passively
To you in everything. Accordingly,
I give her to you as a husband, friend
And educator. To you I commend 390
My property.” She joined our hands and died
At once. I’ll keep my darling by my side
Always.
Mysis:
Such is my expectation [starts to leave]
Pamphilus:
Why
Are you now leaving her?
Mysis:
I’m off to try
To rouse the midwife.
Pamphilus:
Quickly, then, and heed
The words I have to say – dismiss the need
To speak about the marriage lest that too
Exacerbates her sickness.
Mysis:
I hear you.
Charinus:
Byrrhia, shall she be married, then, today
To Pamphilus?
Byrrhia:
Indeed that’s what they say. 400
Charinus:
How do you know?
Byrrhia:
I heard the news of late
From Davus at the forum.
Charinus:
Wretched fate
For me! My mind was mixed with hope and dread,
But now the hope is gone It sinks like lead,
Wearied with care.
Byrrhia:
Your hopes are dashed indeed,
So wish for that in which you can succeed.
Charinus:
I want but Philumena.
Byrrhia:
Try to find
A way to drive the lady from your mind
Rather than saying what will fruitlessly
Inflame your lust.
Charinus:
When we are healthy, we 410
Give good advice to those who are unwell;
If you were I, however, you would tell
A different tale.
Byrrhia:
Well, as you wish.
Charinus:
I spy
Pamphilus: I’d know all before I die
Of grief.
Byrrhia [to himself]:
What does he mean?
Charinus:
I’ll supplicate
The man himself; to him I will relate
My love and beg him that he might delay
The wedding for at least another day
Or so. Meanwhile something may happen.
Byrrhia:
No,
It won’t.
Charinus:
What do you think, then? Should I go 420
And see him?
Byrrhia:
Why not? If you don’t succeed,
He will at least have you to serve his need
For a reserve-‘boyfriend’.
Charinus:
You swine, away
With you for saying such a thing.
Pamphilus:
Good day,
Charinus.
Charinus:
Greetings to you, Pamphilus.
I’ve come to speak with you, solicitous
For safety, hope, help and some good advice.
Pamphilus:
Alas, I don’t have time that will suffice
For those last two. What’s up this time?
Charinus:
Today
You’re going to get married?
Pamphilus:
So they say. 430
Charinus:
Well, if you do you never will see me
Again.
Pamphilus:
Why?
Charinus:
I don’t have the bravery
To tell you. Byrrhia, tell him instead.
Byrrhia:
I will.
Pamphilus:
What is it?
Byrrhia:
She whom you will wed
Is his beloved.
Pamphilus:
Ah, we differ thus.
And therefore let me know now, Charinus,
If you’ve had more to do with her.
Charinus:
Nohow,
Pamphilus.
Pamphilus:
Well I wish you had.
Charinus:
But now
I beg you not to marry her.
Pamphilus:
I’ll do
My best.
Charinus:
But if you cannot and if you 440
Oppose the rites –
Pamphilus:
Oppose?
Charinus:
At least delay
The marriage for a while so that I may
Not be a witness to it.
Pamphilus:
Listen to me!
I do not think a ma of honesty
Who doesn’t have the right will yet insist
I be obliged to him. I more resist
The marriage than you want to gain it.
Charinus:
You
Have brought me back to life!
Pamphilus:
If you can do
Anything – or, Byrrhia, you – concoct, design
Or fabricate that she shall not be mine 450
But marry you.
Charinus:
I’m satisfied.
Pamphilus:
I spy
Davus, on whose sound counsel I rely.
Charinus [to Byrrhia]:
Say nothing to me but those things which need
No knowing. Leave me now.
Byrrhia:
I will indeed.
Davus [to himself]:
Great gods, such news! But where am I to find
Pamphilus so that I can rid his mind
Of fear and please him?
Charinus [to Pamphilus]:
He is full of glee
About something.
Pamphilus:
It doesn’t matter: he
Hasn’t yet heard the bad news.
Davus [to himself]:
Well, it’s true,
I think, if he has heard the wedding’s due – 460
Charinus [apart]:
Don’t you hear him?
Davus [to himself]:
He seeks me frantically
Throughout the city. But where can he be?
Where should l find him?
Charinus:
Do you hesitate
To speak to him?
Davus:
I’m off.
Pamphilus:
No, Davus. Wait!
Davus:
Who’s that? Ah, Pamphilus, you’re just the one
I’m looking for. Charinus, too, well done!
I want you both.
Pamphilus:
I’ve had it!
Davus:
No, but hear –
Pamphilus:
I’m done, I tell you.
Davus:
I know what you fear.
Pamphius:
My life is in great danger.
Davus:
That, I say,
I know.
Pamphilus:
My marriage –
Davus:
Yes, I know.
Pamphius:
Today. 470
Davus:
You keep on drumming it into my ears,
But I’m aware of everything. [indicating Charinus] He fears
That he won’t wed her: on the other hand
You fear you might.
Charinus:
Yes, yes, you understand.
Pamphilus:
The very thing.
Davus:
That very thing you’ll see
Is in no danger: put your faith in me.
Pamphilus:
As soon as possible, I’m begging you,
Release me from this fear.
Davus:
That will I do.
For Chremes has agreed that he will stay
His hand and never give his child away 480
To you.
Pamphilus:
How do you know?
Davus:
You will know, too:
Your father grabbed me lately, saying you
Would have a wife this very day as well
As many other things that I can’t tell
To you through lack of time. Accordingly
I came straight from the forum hurriedly
To tell you this. Not finding you, then I
Went up a hill to see if I could spy
You from above – I couldn’t. But I caught
Sight of his [indicating Charinus] servant, Byrrhia: I sought 490
From him where you might be, but he told me
He hadn’t seen you. What a mystery!
I wondered what to do. A thought occurred
As I returned, however - hardly a word
Of cheer, a gloomy man, then, suddenly,
A wedding. Here was no coherency.
Pamphilus:
What are you getting at?
Davus:
To Chremes’ house
I went, where all was quiet as a mouse
Outside, which made me glad.
Charinus:
That’s good.
Pamphilus:
Go on.
Davus:
I stopped there. In the meantime I saw none 500
Go in or out, saw no activity,
Helpers or trimmings. I went up to see
Inside.
Pamphilus:
Of course – a goodly sign.
Davus:
Do these
Things tally with nuptial festivities?
Pamphilus:
I think not.
Davus:
“Think”? Oh no, you’ve got it wrong –
It’s certain. Then a slave-boy came along
As I was leaving, bearing some small fish
And veggies, worth one obol, as a dish
For Chremes’ dinner.
Charinus:
Davus, I am free
Thanks to your work.
Davus:
Not so.
Charinus:
What? Surely he 510
Won’t give his child to him [indicating Pamphilus] now?
Davus:
Silly man!
As if since he won’t have the girl, you can!
Court Chremes’ friends.
Pamphilus:
Well said. I’ll go, though I
Have many times felt desperate. Goodbye.
Pamphilus:
What’s with my father? Why this masquerade?
Davus:
I’ll tell you. If your father had been made
Angry with you because Chremes denied
His daughter to be given as your bride,
He’d think himself unjust, and rightly too,
Because he hadn’t first found out from you 520
Your views about the marriage. Blame instead
He’d put on you if you refuse to wed:
Thus troubles would arise.
Pamphilus:
I will submit
To anything.
Davus:
He is your dad, so it
Is difficult: she’s helpless. He’ll track down
Some pretext that will drive her out of town
In short shrift.
Pamphilus:
Drive her out - ?
Davus;
And quickly, too.
Pamphilus:
So, Davus, tell me - what am I to do?
Davus:
Say you’ll wed her.
Pamphilus:
Hah!
Davus:
What?
Pamphilus:
Must I say so?
Davus:
Why not?
Pamphilus:
No, I won’t do it.
Davus:
Don’t say no. 530
Pamphilus:
Don’t try to sway me.
Davus:
Think what would ensue.
Pamphilus:
I’d lose her, lumbered with the other, too.
Davus:
Not so. I think your dad will try to say
That you will have to marry her today.
Say what you will, and thus your quarrelling
Is over. In this manner everything
That’s been arranged shall be in disarray.
For it is clear Chremes won’t give away
His child to you, and therefore you’ll be free
From danger. Keep on with this plan lest he 540
Should change his mind. Your father can’t be mad
At you if you consent; the hopes you had
I’ll easily refute. For no-one can
Be asked to give his child to any man
Of such proclivities; he’d rather give
A beggar to you as a wife than live
In shame of your corruption. But if he
Should take the news with equanimity,
He’ll treat the matter with more nonchalance
And leisurely seek another. Then by chance 550
Something of good may happen.
Pamphilus:
Is that true,
You think?
Davus:
No doubt.
Pamphilus:
Think what you’d have me do.
Davus:
Be quiet!
Pamphilus:
No. We must take care that he
Won’t find out that she’s had a child by me.
I said I’d bring it up.
Davus:
A big mistake!
Pamphilus:
She made me vow that I would not forsake
Them both.
Davus:
I’ll see to it. Your father’s here.
See that he doesn’t spot your lack of cheer.
Simo [to himself]:
I’m back to see what they are both about
And what they’re hatching.
Davus:
He has not one doubt 560
That you’ll refuse to wed her. He has thought
The matter through and hither has he brought
Himself from some dark spot: and he relies
On some speech that he’s made up to surprise
And fluster you. Take care! Act naturally!
Pamphilus:
I hope I can.
Davus:
Just put your faith in me.
Between you two not one word will be said
As long as you agree you will be wed.
Byrrhia [to himself]:
My master bade me leave my work today
And monitor Pamphilus that I may 570
Know what he’s doing about the rites, and so
I’ve followed him [indicating Simo] and there he is – Simo –
With Davus: I’ll note that.
Simo:
Both here, I see.
Davus [to Pamphilus]:
Watch out!
Simo:
Son!
Davus [to Pamphilus]:
As if unexpectedly
Taken aback, face him.
Pamphilus:
Father!
Davus [to Pamphilus]:
Well done!
Simo:
I want you to be wed today, my son.
As I have said.
Byrrhia:
I dread what he will say.
Pamphilus:
In nothing will you see that I delay.
Byrrhia [to himself]:
Hah!
Davus [to Pamphilus}:
He’s struck dumb.
Byrrhia:
Oh, how extraordinary!
Simo:
My son, you’ve acted so appropriately 580
In giving me my wish with graciousness.
Davus [to Pamphilus]:
Was I not right?
Byrrhia:
Oh dear, as I may guess,
My master’s lost a wife.
Simo:
Go in, and be
Prepared when there is a necessity.
Pamphilus:
I go.
Byrrhia [to himself]:
Don’t put your trust in any man.
All folk would rather serve their own needs than
Another’s – that’s well said. I’ve seen the lass
And I recall her beauty, so I’ll pass
On blaming Pamphilus should he prefer
That in his dreams he’ll be embracing her, 590
And not Charinus. Therefore back I’ll go
And for these evils suffer blow for blow.
Davus [to himself]:
He thinks I’ve brought some trickery and thus
Have I remained here.
Simo:
What says he, Davus?
Davus:
Nothing.
Simo:
What? Nothing?
Davus:
Not a single thing.
Simo:
Well, I was certainly imagining
That there’d be something.
Davus:
Everything’s turned out
Against your expectations. [to himself] There’s no doubt
That he’s disquieted.
Simo:
Can you tell me
The truth?
Davus:
I can do so quite easily. 600
Simo:
These nuptials don’t vex him in any way
Due to this foreign girl?
Davus:
I have to say
No, not at all. Or, even if they do,
He will recover in a day or two.
Besides, he’s thought it over properly.
Simo:
Good lad!
Davus:
When he had licence for it, he
Would sow his oats as youths are apt to do.
But it was secretly. And he took due
Precaution in case any infamy
Stuck to him, as a man of honesty 610
Will do. Now he must marry, he has set
His mind upon the girl he’ll wed.
Simo:
And yet
He seemed unhappy in some slight degree.
Davus:
Ah, not because of her, but rather he
Is angry with you.
Simo:
Why?
Davus:
It’s trifling.
Simo:
But what?
Davus:
Ah, nothing.
Simo:
What?
Davus:
Well, here’s the thing –
He says the preparations you have made
Are sparse.
Simo:
They’re sparse?
Davus:
Yes. He says you have laid
Ten drachmas out, no more than that, to feed
The guests. He says, “Is this a father’s deed 620
In marrying his son? And now, of all
My young companions, whom shall I call
To such a feast?” For your frugality,
It must be stated, is too much for me.
Simo:
Shut up!
Davus [to himself]:
Take that!
Simo:
Now I’ll be very keen
That all’s in order. What’s the old rogue mean?
For if there’s anything unpromising
In this, one can be sure that he’s its spring.
Mysis [not seeing Simo and Davus]:
Lesbia, it’s right what I’ve just heard from you
That you can hardly find a man who’s true. 630
Simo [apart, to Davus]:
This maid comes from the Andrian.
Davus [apart, to Simo]:
Is it thus?
Simo [apart, to Davus]:
Indeed it is.
Mysis:
And yet this Pamphilus –
Simo:
What does she say?
Mysis:
Has proved his constancy.
Simo [to himself]:
Oh no!
Davus [to himself]:
I wish that he were deaf or she
Struck dumb.
Mysis:
The child that she’s about to bear
He has announced that with paternal care
He’ll rear.
Simo:
Oh God! What is this that I’ve heard?
Well, all is lost if we can trust her word.
Lesbia:
You tell us of the youth’s morality.
Mysis:
I do indeed. Let’s go in. Follow me 640
Lest she’s kept waiting.
Lesbia:
Right.
Davus:
I have to know
How I can find a remedy for this blow.
Simo:
What’s this I hear? The lad is quite beguiled.
Beguiled about a foreign person’s child!
I see it now! In my stupidity
I have discovered all eventually.
Davus [to himself]:
What could that be?
Simo [to himself]:
This piece of knavery
Is for the first time foisted off on me.
They feign that she’s in labour so that they
May frighten Chremes.
Glycerium [from within]:
Lucina, I pray, 650
Help me!
Simo:
So sudden? That is so absurd.
She’s bustling about because she heard
Me at the door. Davus, unhappily
For you, your points of time are off.
Davus:
What, me?
Simo:
You teach your student badly in this bout
Of subterfuge.
Davus:
What are you on about?
Simo:
If at the actual wedding of my son
He’d taken me off-guard, what lovely fun
He’d have at my expense. Now he must face
The danger; I am in a safer place. 660
Lesbia [at the door]:
Archylis, I perceive the customary
Symptoms that would aid her recovery,
So let her bathe, and then administer
Just the amount that I prescribed for her
Of fluid. I’ll be back soon. Oh, such joy!
For Pamphilus has sired a splendid boy.
I pray he will survive, for Pamphilus
Himself is honourable and virtuous.
He hesitated to cause injury
To this fine, youthful lady.
Simo [to Davus]:
Who can’t see 670
That all this came from you?
Davus:
What?
Simo:
When within
She gave no orders for a lying-in.
To those inside, though, when she came out here
Into the street she bawled out loud and clear.
Oh, Davus, how could I be so imposed
Upon by you? Do I seem so disposed
To trust such knavery? But anyway
I should have seemed to be full of dismay
If I had known it.
Davus [to himself]:
It’s not I but he
Who’s been deceived.
Simo:
Were you, then, scared of me 680
When I warned you with threats? What then took place?
Yes, go on, tell me, look into my face
And say the Andrian has borne a child
To Pamphilus.
Davus [to himself]:
I know how he’s beguiled,
So I must see to it.
Simo:
Why are you mum?
Davus:
As though you didn’t know that day would come!
What would you credit?
Simo:
Did someone tell me?
Davus:
Come on now, tell me, did you willingly
Think it a hoax?
Simo:
You laugh at me!
Davus:
The news
Was brought you: else how could you sniff a ruse? 690
Simo:
Because I knew you!
Davus:
You’re implying, though,
That I contrived it.
Simo:
That I clearly know.
Davus:
You do not know me well.
Simo:
I don’t?
Davus:
If I
Begin to speak to you, you say I lie.
I dare not whisper now.
Simo:
One thing is clear
To me – no baby was delivered here.
Davus:
You found that out? But soon enough they’ll lay
A child before this door. Once more I say
That this will happen: thus you’ll be aware
Of it. But don’t go saying this affair 700
Has been contrived by any strategy
Of mine, removing your dubiety
Of me.
Simo:
How do you know this?
Simo:
I confess
I heard it and believe it, too: my guess
Is formed by many things. She said that she
Was pregnant, but it was a fantasy.
When she heard wedding preparations were
Being made chez nous, a maid was sent by her
Immediately to fetch the midwife, who
Should bring a child. And if you may not view
The child, the wedding’s off.
Simo:
What? When you’d heard
About the plan, why say no single word
About it to my son immediately?
Davus:
Who else got him to leave the girl but me?
How desperately he loved her we all knew,
And now he seeks to wed the lady, too.
Let me take up this duty, but progress
With wedding preparations nonetheless:
Godspeed to them! Go in and wait for me,
And do what must be done. [exit Davus]
Simo: Not totally 720
Do I believe all this. Could it be so?
I am not sure. It matters little, though,
Because the most important thing to me
Is that my son gave me his guarantee.
I’ll go to Chremes, hoping to persuade
Him to allow my son to wed the maid:
If I obtain his word, what other day
Is there to have this wedding but today?
I’m sure that, since my son gave me his vow,
If he should balk I’ll pressure him somehow 730
To marry her. But who is this I see?
It’s Chremes coming here propitiously.
Simo:
Chremes, hello.
Chremes:
The very man I came
To have a word with.
Simo:
I could say the same.
Chremes:
How opportune! Some folk came here to say
That they had heard my daughter would today
Marry your son, and I would like to see
If you or they are mad.
Simo:
Listen to me:
Briefly you’ll know what I require of you
And what you seek.
Chremes:
I’m all ears: go on, do. 740
Simo:
Well, by the gods and by our amity
Which grew from boyhood to maturity,
And by your only daughter and my son
(Whose guardian you are – the only one),
I beg that you aid me in this affair
And see the wedding through.
Chremes:
Oh, don’t you dare
Beg me! As if it were obligatory!
You think I’m different from formerly
When I gave her away? Go, send ahead
That she should come here if they are to wed. 750
But if there is more harm in this affair
Than good for each, I beg you to take care
To think about their common good, as though
She were your daughter, he my son.
Simo:
And so
Do I intend. I’d not ask it of you
If it weren’t necessary.
Chremes:
What’s to do?
Simo:
Glycerium and he have had a fight.
Chremes:
Oh yes?
Simo:
So great that I have hopes it might
Part them.
Chremes:
Nonsense!
Simo:
It’s true.
Chremes:
Let me tell you
That lovers’ fights occasion love anew. 760
Simo:
Well, while time gives us opportunity
And while his lust’s blocked by controversy,
Before a woman’s wicked craftiness
Converts his sickly mind to tenderness,
Let’s give her to him. Thus I hope that he,
By honest marriage and intimacy,
Will dodge these evils easily.
Chremes:
So you
Believe! But I don’t think he will be true
To her or I’ll be able to endure
The outcome.
Simo:
But how can you be so sure 770
If you don’t set a test?
Chremes:
Tests would oppress
A maiden.
Simo:
Look, all of the awkwardness
Amounts to this – they would (the gods forfend!)
Go separate ways. But if he should amend
His ways, think of the gains that there would be –
For you would have restored my son to me,
You’d have a son-in-law and thus present
A husband to your child.
Chremes:
Are you content?
If you are satisfied, I won’t deny
You anything.
Simo:
With reason, too, for I 780
Look on you as a true friend.
Chremes:
How do you - ?
Simo:
What?
Chremes:
Know that there’s discord between those two?
Simo:
Davus, who knows the plans they’ve made, told me.
He urges me as soon as it may be
To have the wedding. Do you think he’d do
A thing like that unless he really knew
My son yearned for it? You’ll know without doubt.
Call Davus! Ah, he’s there. He’s coming out.
I was just coming here.
Simo:
Why? What’s to do?
Davus:
It’s late. Why wasn’t the bride called?
Simo:
Hey, do you 790
Hear me? For some time now I’ve felt that you,
Like those of the common servant class, Might do
Some great disservice by oppressing me
Because my son’s in love.
Davus:
What? Honestly?
Simo:
I thought so, yes. So I concealed, through fear,
What I shall tell you now.
Davus:
What?
Simo:
You shall hear.
I almost trust you now.
Davus:
So finally
You’ve found out my authentic quality?
Simo:
The wedding was nt ever to take place.
Davus:
No?
Simo:
So I put on a deceitful face 800
To test you.
Davus:
What?
Simo:
It’s true.
Davus:
But can’t you see
I never noticed. What a strategy!
Simo:
But as I gave you orders to go hither
Inside, then Chremes happily came hither.
Davus [to himself]:
We’re done for, then.
Simo:
I told him what you said
To me.
Davus [to himself]:
What next?!
Simo:
And then I went ahead,
Entreating him to give to Pamphilus
His daughter. It was very arduous
But I prevailed.
Davus [to himself]:
I’m done!
Simo:
What did you say?
Davus:
I said,” Well done.”
Simo:
He must not now delay. 810
Charinues;
I’ll go in to the house and tell them they
Must make all ready and come back.
Simo:
I pray,
Davus, since it was you who saw that we
Would have a wedding –
Davus:
Truly!
Simo:
See that he
Reforms his ways.
Davus:
Well, I will do my best.
Simo:
Right now, though, while his mind’s still in unrest.
Davus:
Don’t fret.
Simo:
Where is he?
Davus:
He must be inside.
Simo:
I’ll go to him and say to him what I’d
Told you.
Davu [to himself]:
I’m lost. Why shouldn’t I, right now,
Go to the mill? There is no room nohow 820
For supplicating since I’ve made a mess
Of everything: my master, I confess,
I have inveigled, casting forth his son
Into a marriage. What else have I done?
The wedding is today, and Pamphilus
Is an unwilling groom. Ingenious
Indeed! If I’d kept mum, no tragedy
Would have occurred. But who comes here? It’s he!
I’m doomed. I would there were some precipice
Whence I might fall, eluding all of this. 830
Pamphilus:
Where is he who caused me such tragedy?
Davus [to himself]:
I’m done for.
Pamphilus:
I confess that honestly
He did me in since I’m devoid of wit.
Why should I trust my fate to such a twit,
A stupid slave? And so I have to pay
The price. But he will never get away
With this.
Davus [to himself]:
If I avoid this ill, I’ll stay
Secure, I know.
Pamphilus:
But what am I to say
To Dad? Shall I deny I wish to be
Married to her despite my guarantee? 840
Such brazenness to treat my father so
By saying such a thing! I hardly know
What I should do.
Davus [to himself]:
Nor I, but I’ll essay
To find a remedy. Ah, I shall say
I’ll find some respite.
Pamphilus:
Ah!
Davus [to himself]:
I’m busted now.
Pamphilus:
Hah what are you about? Do you see how
Your tricks have hampered me?
Davus:
I’ll free you.
Pamphilus:
Oh,
You’ll free me?
Davus: Yes.
Pamphilus:
As you’ve just done?
Davus:
Oh no,
I hope much better.
Pamphilus:
How can I depend
On you, you rogue? You’re planning to emend 850
What’s wholly finished me? Rely on you,
Who from a very blithe existence threw
Me into marriage? Did I not foretell
This outcome?
Davus:
Yes indeed, you did, sir.
Pamphilus:
Well,
How should I punish you?
Davus:
The cross. But let
Me have a little time – I’ll save you yet.
Pamphilus:
Alas, I have no time to punish you
In the same way that I now yearn to do.
For I am forced by this predicament
To save myself, postponing punishment. 860
Charinus [to himself]:
Could one believe a man could be so mean
As to find happiness when he has seen
Another in misfortune? Can this be
The truth? The most malicious man is he
Who barely takes the time to make delay
When he refuses, but when comes the day
To live up to his vow, he feels the need
Through fear to find himself, and then indeed
It’s ‘thumbs-down’. He’s full of effrontery
And says, “Who are you? What are you to me? 870
Look here, my needs come first.” And should you claim
He should be principled, he feels no shame;
When there is need, he’s cool; when there is not,
He’s filled full of anxiety. But what
Am I to do about all this? Defy
The man for what he’s done to me? Should I
Heap insults on him? One might say to me,
“He won’t be moved.” But I will certainly
Have vexed him and showed how I feel.
Pamphilus:
A mess
I’ve made, Charinus, of us both, unless 880
The gods are kind. It wasn’t my intent.
Charinus:
It wasn’t, eh? At last, though, you invent
An explanation. But you broke your vow.
Pamphilus:
How so?
Charinus:
Will you yet dupe me even now?
Pamphilus:
What’s this?
Charinus:
I told you of my ardency
And now you show your partiality
With her I love.
Pamphilus:
You’re wrong.
Charinus:
Was your elation
Not great enough unless with provocation
You mocked me in my love and led me on
With spurious hope? Well, take her and begone! 890
Pamphilus
Take her? You do not know how wretchedly
I am assailed with dreadful misery;
You do not know all the anxieties
My murderer [indicating Davus] has with his trickeries
Brought me.
Charinus:
It’s no surprise – he’s your ideal!
Pamphilus:
You’d not say that if you knew how I feel
About her.
Charinus:
Well, I do know, for of late
You argued with your father. He’s irate
Because he is unable to convince
You to wed her.
Pamphilus:
You are in error, since 900
You’re not aware of my great misery;
The wedding has not been prepared for me,
And no-one wants to offer me a bride.
Charinus:
Yes, your own inclination’s been your guide.
Pamphilus:
Hold on – you don’t know everything.
Charinus:
I know
You plan to marry her.
Pamphilus:
Why wound me so?
Listen: he kept insisting that I tell
My father that I’d marry her. So well
Did he entreat me that eventually
I caved.
Charinus:
Who did?
Pamphilus:
Davus.
Charinus:
Davus?
Pamphilus:
Yes, he. 910
Pamphilus:
He caused confusion.
Charinus:
Why, though?
Pamphilus:
Well, unless
The gods deplore my ingenuousness
In listening to him, I don’t have a clue.
Charinus:
Is this true, Davus?
Davus:
Yes.
Charinus:
You, villain, you!
Ah, may the gods destroy you in a way
That fits your actions! Tell me, then, I pray,
If all his enemies wished him to wed,
What better plan than this, eh?
Davus:
I was led
Into deception but I’m hopeful still.
Charinus:
I’m sure of that!
Davus: This plan ended in ill 920
But I’ll try something else. Unless, maybe,
Since my first plan came off unhappily,
You think that victory cannot ensue.
Pamphilus:
Oh no: I am persuaded that, if you
Are careful, you’ll effect not one but two
Marriages.
Davus:
Pamphilus, it is my due
To serve you, hands and feet each day and night,
Risking my very life. I think it right
That if something should turn out differently
From what you hoped for, you should pardon me. 930
I failed but I’ll keep struggling even so.
Find something better or tell me to go.
Pamphilus:
Then take me back to where I was before.
Davus:
I will.
Pamphilus:
Directly, though.
Davus:
But wait! Her door
Is creaking.
Pamphilus:
You’ll deal with it easily.
Davus:
I think –
Pamphilus:
What now?
Davus:
I’ll tell you presently.
Mysis [to Glycerium within]:
Wherever he is, I will track down your beau
And bring him here. But do not worry so.
Pamphilus:
Mysis.
Mysis:
What - ? Pamphilus! How luckily
We meet!
Pamphilus:
What is it?
Mysis:
Mistress ordered me 940
That, if you love her, you should straightway go
To her – she wants to see you now.
Pamphilus [to himself]:
Oh no,
I’m done for! It gets worse. [to Davus] Because of you
Both she and I are now in such a stew.
She’s calling for me since she seems to know
That wedding plans are clearly on the go.
Charinus:
We could have had a break quite easily
If he had shut his mouth.
Davus [sarcastically]:
If he should be
Not piqued enough, then make him madder still!
Mysis:
Well, that’s the case: she makes herself quite ill. 950
Pamphilus:
Mysis, I’ll never leave her: this I swear
Even if I found out all men everywhere
Would be my enemies. I chose her – she
Is mine, for we’re in perfect harmony.
Curse those who’d have us part! For only death
Will take her from me at our final breath.
Mysis:
I’m feeling better now.
Pamphilus:
I say that all
I’ve said is truer than the words that fall
From Phoebus’ lips. If someone can contrive
To prove my father does not think that I’ve 960
Ended the marriage, I would like to see
That done. But if none can, I’ll easily
Prove that It was through me. What is the view
You have of me, then?
Charinus:
I believe that you
Are just as glum as I.
Davus:
I have a plan.
Charinus:
Aha, you are indeed a clever man.
PamphILus:
What is it?
Davus:
I will sort it out for you.
Pamphilus:
There’s need.
Davus:
I have it now.
Charinus:
What will you do?
Davus [pointing out Pamphilus]:
For him, not you.
Charinus:
Alright.
Pamphilus:
Well?
Davus:
I’m afraid
One day’s too short to render you my aid. 970
I have no time to tell it you. So go
Away directly, for you’d only slow
Me down.
Pamphilus:
I’ll visit her [exit]
Davus:
What will you do?
Where are you going now?
Charinus:
Shall I tell you
The truth?
Davus: No, not at all. [aside] Too long!
Charinus:
But what
Will be my fate?
Davus:
Madman, have you not got
Some breathing-space through me and can defer
The marriage?
Charinus:
But –
Davus:
What?
Charinus:
That I marry her –
Davus:
Ridiculous!
Charinus:
If you can promise me
Some help, come to my house.
Davus:
How can that be? 980
I’ve nothing.
Charinus:
Anything!
Davus:
Alright, alright,
I’ll come.
Charinus:
I’ll be at home.
Davus:
Mysis, sit tight
A little till I come out.
Mysis:
Why?
Davus:
There’s need.
Mysis:
Quickly!
Davus:
I will return with all due speed. [exit]
Mysis [to herself]:
No-one is safe. I thought until this day
That Pamphilus had been a nonpareil
For Mistress – lover, friend, a man who’s right
In every way. Now she’s a wretched sight
Because of him, more full of misery
Than she was full of happiness formerly.
[Enter Davus] Here’s Davus. My good sir, what’s up? And why
Is there a small boy in your arms?
Davus:
Well, I 990
Require your cleverness immediately.
Mysis:
What will you do?
Davus:
Quick! Take the lad from me.
Lay him before our door.
Mysis:
What’s that you say?
Upon the ground?
Davus:
Indeed. Then make your way
Hence to the altar there and hither bring
Some sacred herbs, finally scattering
Them underneath the child.
Mysis:
Well, why don’t you?
Davus:
Well, if I had to swear I didn’t do
The deed to Master, I’d be conscience-free.
Mysis:
I understand. Did you just recently 1000
Acquire these scruples?
Davus:
Quick, that you may hear
What I’ll do next. Oh God!
Mysis:
What’s up?
Davus:
Oh dear,
Her father, interrupting everything!
The plan I had I’m now abandoning.
Mysis:
What are you on about?
Davus:
I will pretend
That I’ve come from the right.
You, then, must lend
Your aid when it is wanted.
Mysis:
I’m aware
Of nothing that you’ve said but if you care
To have my help whenever it is needed
I’ll stay in case the outcome is impeded. 1010
Chremes [to himself]:
I’ve made arrangements for the wedding-day
And now I’m coming back so that I may
Request her presence here. What’s this I see?
Why, it’s a child. [to Mysis] Woman, enlighten me –
Tell me why you have laid a baby there?
Mysis:
Where is he?
Chremes:
Why don’t you reply?
Mysis:
Nowhere
That I can see. He’s left me here and gone.
Davus [pretending not to see Chremes and Mysis]. The forum’s full. Oh, what a carry-on! 1020
The bargaining! [aloud] The victuals are so dear.
[Aside] I do not know what more to say.
Mysis:
Come here,
Why did you leave me all alone?
Davus [seeing the child]:
Hello,
What happened here? Now, Mysis, do you know
Who brought this baby here?
Mysis:
You’re asking me?
You must be mad.
Davus:
There no-one else I see,
So who else should I ask?
Chremes [to himself]:
I wonder, too,
Who brought it.
Davus:
Tell me what I’m asking you.
[Whispering] Step to the right [she does]
Mysis:
This is insanity!
You brought the child.
Davus:
Say not a word to me 1030
Other than what I ask you.
Mysis:
Is it fair
That you are saying this?
Davus:
Just tell me where
It came from – loudly!
Mysis:
From our house.
Davus:
I see!
The action of a whore!
Chremes [to himself]:
Then she must be
The Andrian’s maid.
Davus:
Do you believe we’d play
Such tricks?
Chremes [to himself]:
I’m just in time.
Davus:
Take it away!
[Whispering] Just stay right there and do not leave this spot.
Mysis:
You scare me so!
Davus:
Well, is it you or not
I’m asking?
Mysis:
What is it you want?
Davus:
Are you
Asking me that? I want to find out who 1040
Is parent to this child you brought. Tell me
The truth.
Mysis:
What? You don’t know?
Davus:
To purgatory
With what I know! Tell me! Be serious!
Mysis:
It’s one of yours.
Davus:
Which of them?
Mysis:
Pamphilus.
Davus:
Oh no!
Chremes [to himself]:
It’s with good reason, palpably,
That I opposed the match.
Davus:
Such devilry!
Mysis:
Why are you bawling?
Davus:
It’s the very same
Brought by someone I noticed when they came
Just yesterday to the house, quite late at night.
Mysis:
Oh, such a bold-faced fellow!
Davus:
Yes, that’s right. 1050
I saw Canthara stuffed sufficiently
With pillows.
Mysis:
I thank God that we could see,
Free women at the birth.
Davus [aloud]:
She does not know
On whose account these schemes were made, and so,
If Chremes had not seen the baby laid
Out here, she thinks he will not give the maid
To Pamphilus. But on the contrary
He’ll give yet more.
Chremes [to himself]:
No! It’s a certainty
He won’t.
Davus:
Take up the baby from the door
Or I’ll roll it into the road; what’s more, 1060
I’ll roll you, too, and cover you with grime.
Mysis:
You’re drunk.
Davus:
One scheme upon another! I’m
Told she’s a citizen.
Chremes:
Oh, gracious me!
Davus:
So legally they must be wed.
Mysis:
Is she
A citizen?
Chremes [to himself]:
It seems that unawares
I near fell in the weirdest of affairs.
Davus:
Who’s that? Ah, Chremes, how timely we meet!
Listen.
Chremes:
I know all.
Davus:
All?
Chremes:
All, I repeat,
Right from the start.
Davus:
Listen, I pray, to me:
This wench for her egregious villainy 1070
Should be put to the rack. [to Mysis] Here is Chremes:
It’s not just me on whom your trickeries
Are played.
Mysis:
Good sir, I have not said one thing
To you that’s false.
Chremes:
I now know everything.
Is Sino in?
Davus:
He is.
Mysis [to Davus]:
Don’t dare touch me,
You reprobate! I tell you honestly,
If I don’t tell Glycerium –
Davus:
Come now,
Don’t you know what’s been going on?
Mysis:
Well, how
Should I?
Davus:
Here comes her dad. There was no way
But telling him what he wished us to say. 1080
Mysis:
You should have said so.
Davus:
Is it, then, your view
That it counts little whether you should do
A thing as Nature prompts you to or be
Committed to a thought-out strategy?
Crito:
In this street once lived Chrysis, so they say,
Piling up wealth in a dishonest way
Rather than living poor but honestly.
She died and all her property came to me
By law. But now I spy some people here
Whom I would question. [accosting them] I wish you good cheer. 1090
Mysis:
Who’s that? Is Chrysis’ cousin here – Crito?
He is.
Crito:
Good morning, Mysis.
Mysis:
Ah, hello,
Crito.
Crito:
Is Chrysis, then - ?
Mysis:
Indeed it’s true.
She left us broken-hearted.
Crito:
How are you?
Doing well?
Mysis:
‘Well as we can’, as people say,
Since we can’t really flourish as we may.
Crito:
And what about Glycerium? Has she
Now found her parents?
Mysis:
No, unfortunately.
I wish she had.
Crito:
Not yet? Then I set out
With no auspicious omen. There’s no doubt 1100
I’d not have come here had I been aware
Of that. For every day and everywhere
Folk knew her as her sister, and now she
Has all her things. It has been told to me
That, as a stranger, I could now with ease
Take her to court, as others’ instances
Have shown. I think, though, there’s a man who’s known
To be her friend and patron, for she’d grown
Somewhat when she left there. Folk would call me
A trickster, ferreting out a legacy. 1110
But it’s not right to fleece the girl, I fear.
Mysis:
Oh, what a worthy stranger! You adhere
To your old-fashioned ways.
Crito:
I wish to see
The girl, so lead me to her.
Mysis:
Certainly.
Davus [to himself]:
I’ll follow, since I have no appetite
Right now to be within the old man’s sight.
Chremes:
Our friendship has been proved sufficiently
Already, Simo, but just recently
I’ve met sufficient hazards: therefore end
Your pleas. I’ve always tried to be your friend, 1120
But my child’s life I’ve almost fooled away.
Simo:
But now especially I beg and pray
That you make true your offer.
Chremes:
Can’t you see
That with your zeal you show your villainy?
As long as you get what you would possess,
You don’t think of the bounds of graciousness
Or what you ask of me. If you did so,
You would forbear to burden me with woe.
Simo:
What woe?
Chremes:
You ask me that? You badgered me
To give my promise that my child would be 1130
Wed to a youth who’s having an affair
With someone else and never had a care
To marry: it would lead to feuds and end
Quite prematurely but I just might mend
Your son’s bad ways. You gained your victory,
So, since conditions seemed alright to me,
I started preparations. But you’ll find
You must accept that I have changed my mind.
She is a citizen, as people say,
A child was born, so now just go away. 1140
Simo:
I beg you, don’t trust those whose interest
Is that he should be vilified as best
As possible. Due to the marriage, all
Of this has been contrived; their case will fall
When all’s removed.
Chremes:
You’re misinterpreting
The matter, for I caught a wrangling
Between Davus and Mysis.
Simo:
I’m aware
Of that!
Chremes:
And neither knew that I was there,
And so to me they both seemed serious.
Simo:
I think that’s true, and recently Davus 1150
Told me it would be so. I meant today
To tell you but that purpose slipped away.
Davus [to himself]:
Stay calm!
Chremes:
There’s Chremes.
Simo:
Whence?
Davus [to himself]:
It’s due to me
And the stranger –
Simo [to himself]:
What prank’s this?
Davus:
I never did dee
More fitting circumstances – meeting, man
And time, all three together.
Simo:
Ah who can
He now be praising?
Davus [to himself]:
All’s well.
Simo [to himself]:
Why do you
Not speak to him?
Davus [to himself, seeing Simo]:
Master!! What should I do?
Simo:
Good sir, good day to you.
Davus:
Simo, good day.
Ah, Chremes! Everything is underway 1160
Indoors.
Simo [sarcastically]:
You’re well prepared!
Davus:
Then at your need
Send for the bride.
Simo:
That’s one thing left indeed.
But tell me this – what is it you must do
Within?
Davus:
What? I?
Simo:
Yes.
Davus:
I?
Simoe:
Yes, dammit, you!
Davus:
I went in now.
Simo:
I didn’t ask you when!
Davus:
Your son is there with her.
Simo:
Is Pamphilus, then,
Within? [aside] I’m on the rack! [to Davus] Did you not say
That they’re at loggerheads?
Davus:
Yes, that are they.
Simo:
Then why’s he there?
Chremes:
To quarrel, obviously.
Davus:
However, Chremes, you shall hear from me 1170
About a vile and shameful incident.
I met an old man, shrewd and confident.
To look at him, you’d think him well-to-do.
His looks were grave, and when he spoke to you
His words had depth.
Simo:
What are getting at?
Davus:
Nothing but what he mentioned in our chat.
Simo:
What was it, then?
Davus:
He told me that he knew
Glycerium is a citizen.
Simo [going to the door]:
Hey, you!
Dromo!
Davus:
What is it?
Simo:
Dromo!
Davus:
Let me say –
Simo:
Not one word! Dromo!
Davus:
Listen to me, I pray. 1180
Dromo:
Yes?
Simo:
Take this man inside, quick as you can.
Dromo:
Who?
Simo:
Davus.
Dromo:
Why?
Simo:
Because I choose to, man.
Davus:
What did I do?
Simo:
Take him!
Davus:
If you should be
Informed that I have lied at all, kill me.
Simo:
I’ll close my ears. The mill will welcome you
Right now.
Davus:
What? Even if it all is true?
Simo:
Yes. Take care he is well secured and tie
Him hand and foot. Be off with you! Now I
Will show you, if I live, this very day
How dangerous it is for you to play 1190
Your master for a fool and for him, too,
To fool his father.
Chremes:
Ah, I beg of you,
Calm down a bit.
Simo:
Chremes, the piety
That sons should have! Do you not pity me
For having such a son? Oh, Pamphilus,
Come out! How could you be so scandalous?
Pamphilus:
Who wants me? [aside] Father! Now I’m in for it!
Simo:
Of all - !
Chremes:
Address the subject and omit
Harsh words!
Simo:
Could anything be more severe
To say to him? And what is this I hear? 1200
The girl’s a citizen?
Chremes:
They say that’s true.
Simo:
And you believe them? Does he really rue
His deeds? Does he consider what he’s said?
And have his cheeks displayed a shameful red
Ever? With sickly mind he would repel
The city’s laws and customs and rebel
Against his father, so excessively
Keen to have her. Such notoriety!
Pamphilus:
I’ve had it!
Simo:
Is it only now you find
Those words? Long past, when you’d made up your mind 1210
To have that girl at any price, that day
They fit you like a glove. But what’s to say?
Why crucify myself and thus distress
My old age with this rascal’s craziness?
Am I to suffer for his villainy?
No way! Good luck to him and let him be
Her spouse.
Pamphilus:
Dad –
Simo:
Dad? As if you needed one!
House, wife and children – everything’s been done
Without your dad’s permission. You’ve forked out
Money to folk to say that there’s no doubt 1220
That she’s a citizen. You’ve won your case.
Pamphilus:
A few words, father, please!
Simo:
What, to my face?
Chremes:
Listen, Simo.
Simo:
What? Listen to him? But why?
Chremes:
Just let him speak.
Simo:
Alright.
Pamphilus:
I own that I
Love her. If that’s a fault, I own that, too.
But, father, I subject myself to you.
Give orders for what punishment you choose.
Do you want me to marry and to lose
Glycerium? With what ability
I have I’ll bear it. But take this from me – 1230
I did not bribe the old man. Let me clear
Myself, and to that end have him brought here.
Simo:
Here?
Pamphilus:
Father, please!
Chremes:
A reasonable request.
Allow him.
Pamphilus:
Tell a servant your behest.
Simo:
Alright – if I know he’s not hoodwinked me.
Chremes:
A son’s great crime earns a slight penalty.
Crito [to Pamphilus]:
No begging! Of these reasons any one
Prompts me to do it, for it must be done
Either for you yourself or since it’s true
Or since I’m very passionate to do
Well by Glycerium.
Chremes:
Why, do I see
Crito of Andros? That’s him certainly.
Crito:
Greetings, Chremes.
Chremes:
It’s very rare that you
Come to our city.
Crito:
Well, sometimes I do.
Is that Simo?
Chremes:
Yes.
Simo:
Were you seeking me?
Glycerium’s a citizen? Seriously?
Crito:
Do you deny it?
Simo:
Well prepared, aren’t you?
Crito:
To do what?
Simo:
Really, do you plan to do
This with impunity? Is it your way
To seek green, well-bred youths and then to play 1250
Upon their fancies, giving guarantees
And promises that lead to trickeries?
Crito:
Are you insane?
Simo:
Inveigling men to wed
Street-walkers?
Pamphilus [to himself]:
Now I’ve had it. I’m in dread
The stranger won’t put up with this.
Chremes:
Simo,
If you knew this man well, you’d not think so.
He is a worthy man.
Simo:
Worthy? What, he?
Today he came here so conveniently
To see the wedding he’s arranged, although
He’s not been here before, and even so 1260
You still believe him.
Pamphilus [to himself]:
If I didn’t fear
My father, I’d have something fitting here
To tell him.
Simo:
Swindler!
Crito:
What did he just say?
Chremes:
Please, Crito, let it go: it’s just his way.
Crito:
Well, let him mind his words. If he churns out
What he desires to hear, beyond a doubt
He’ll hear a different tune. Do you believe
That knowingly I’m trying to deceive
Or acting for myself? Can you not take
This nonsense calmly? Whether it is fake 1270
Or true, what you have told me will be known
Presently. Once an Attican was thrown
Into the sea, shipwrecked, and, by his side,
A little girl. In poverty he applied
To Chrysis’ father –
Simo:
Hear the man begin
His tale!
Chremes:
Be quiet!
Crito:
Why do you butt in?
Chremes:
Proceed.
Crito:
He was part of my family:
The man was Attican, he said to me.
He died on Andros.
Chremes:
And his name?
Crito:
Why so
Impatient for his name?
Pamphilus:
Phania.
Chremes:
Oh no! 1280
I’m done for!
Crito:
Yes, I’m pretty sure her name
Was Phania. I do know he said he came
From Rhamnus.
Chremes:
Ahh!
Crito:
This was disseminated
Throughout the isle.
Chremes:
What I’ve anticipated
I trust will come about. What did he say
About her? Was she his?
Crito:
I must say nay.
Whose, then?
Crito:
His brother’s.
Chremes:
Then there is no doubt
She’s mine.
Crito:
What’s that?
Simo:
What are you on about?
Pamphilus [to himself]:
Prick up your ears, lad!
Simo:
Why d’you think that’s so?
Chremes:
Well, Phania was my brother.
Simo:
Yes, I
know. 1290
Crito:
From here he fled the war and followed me
To Asia, while he felt anxiety
To leave her. Ans since then I had not heard
Till now what happened to him – not a word.
Pamphilus [to himself]:
I hardly know myself, so agitated
About this wholly unanticipated
News with fear, hope, joy, wonder.
Simo:
Honestly,
I’m filled with joy in many ways that she
Is proved a citizen.
Pamphilus:
I think you are,
Father.
Chremes:
One other thing, though, tends to jar 1300
My mind.
Pamphilus [to himself]:
Well, you deserve to be upset.
You and your scruples, rogue! Not happy yet?
Crito:
What is it?
Chremes:
That the names don’t fit.
Crito:
When small,
She had another name.
Chremes:
Can you recall
The name?
Crito:
I’m trying.
Pamphilus [to himself]:
Is my happiness
Doomed to be barred by his forgetfulness
When I myself possess the remedy?
I’ll not endure it. [aloud] Chremes, hear from me
That it was Pasibula.
Crito:
That’s the name.
Chremes:
That’s it.
Pamphilus:
Oh, I have heard the very same 1310
A thousand times.
Simo:
Well, Chremes, I can guess
That you believe we’re full of happiness
That you have now regained your memory.
Chremes:
I do indeed believe it, certainly.
Pamphilus:
Father, what’s yet to do?
Simo:
At last I find
My reconciliation.
Pamphilus:
Oh, how kind
A father! With regard to my being wed
To her, since she and I have shared a bed,
Chremes won’t change his mind.
Chremes:
A splendid plea,
Unless somehow your father won’t agree. 1320
Pamphilus:
Of course.
Simo:
Let it be so.
Chremes:
Then, Pamphilus,
Ten talents is the price.
Pamphilus:
Let it be thus.
Chremes:
I’ll hasten to my daughter. But, Crito,
Come with me since I do not think she’ll know
Her father.
Simo:
Have her brought here.
Pamhilus:
Splendid thought!
Give Davus orders that she may be brought
Hither.
Simo:
That’s quite impossible.
Pamphilus:
Indeed?
Why is that so?
Simo:
Much greater things impede
His progress.
Pamphilus:
What?
Simo:
He’s bound.
Pamphilus:
Not fairly, though.
Simo:
I ordered it.
Pamphilus:
I beg you, let him go. 1330
Simo:
Alright.
Pamphilus:
But quickly.
Simo:
Right, I’m on my way
Into the house.
Pamphilus:
Oh, what a happy day!
Davus [to himself]:
Where’s Pamphilus, I wonder?
Pamphilus:
Hey, Davus.
Davus:
What man is that?
Pamphilus:
It’s I. It’s Pamphilus.
Davus:
Oh, Pamphilus!
Pamphilus:
Davus, you’ll never guess
What’s happened to me.
Davus:
That’s true. Nevertheless 1150
I know what’s happened to me.
Pamphilus:
And I do, too.
Davus:
The way it is, it’s better far that you
Should be acquainted with my tragedy
Before I learn of your felicity.
Pamphilus:
Glycerium’s found her parents.
Davus:
Well done!
Charinus [apart]:
Oh!
Pamphilus:
Her dad’s a friend of somebody we know.
Davus:
Who?
Pamphilus:
Chremes.
Davus:
Great!
Pamphilus:
I can be wed today.
Charinus [apart]:
He’s dreaming.
Pamphilus:
Now, about the child –
Davus:
Oh, say 1160
No more about the child. You’re favoured by
The gods, and no-one else but you.
Charinus [apart]:
Then I
Am safe if this is true. I’ll have a chat
With them. [coming forward]
Pamphilus:
Who’s this? Charinus, you’ve come at
A happy time.
Charinus:
Fine!
Pamphilus:
Did you hear the news?
Charinus:
I heard it all; I beg you, don’t refuse
To let me take part in your own elation.
Chremes is yours now – with no hesitation
I know that he will give you everything
You want.
Pamphilus:
Indeed. Come on, no lingering: 1170
Let’s go inside before Chremes comes out.
Davus, go home and swiftly give a shout
To have her brought here. Quickly, don’t delay!
Davus:
I’m going. [to the audience] No use waiting until they
Come out. She’ll be betrothed there. What will hap
Will hap inside. Now clap us, people! Clap!